I'm Late, I'm Late...

Oh, my, time goes quickly, especially when you're sick, and your computer fails, and you have deadlines.

Yes, I've failed at posting every day. Oh, well. Perhaps I'll go easier on myself and expect at least once a week, and try for more.

In the spirit of following dreams, however, I offer you a movie. (I know, imagine that, you'd think I liked those things, or something...)

If you haven't already, I hope you'll find and watch 'Man on Wire' - the true story of Philippe Petit, the French wire walker who managed to set up a wire between the Two Towers of the World Trade Center and walked it for nearly an hour.



There are so many elements to this movie that are fascinating. The 'bank heist' arc of it - how they managed to get into the building and set up the wire, hiding under and behind tarps to avoid the guards. How they dropped the wire between the buildings and had to lug it back up, an exhausting act of strength and determination on the part of Philippe's friend that took hours.

The sheer audacity of the idea and the act - and the 'seat-of-your-pants' aspects to making it happen. And then the tiny speck of the man floating in the sky between the buildings.

Philippe was in a dentist's office when he first saw a picture of the Twin Towers, and from that moment on, it became his life's goal to walk between them. He started small - setting wires between the towers of Notre Dame in Paris, and the Sydney Harbour Bridge Towers. The documentary includes these adventures as a preliminary to the August 1974 Twin Towers walk (and there is a more detailed account of the Sydney walk and how they pulled it off with almost no money and/or equipment in the DVD special features - definitely worth watching).

There is no question that there is a 'creating miracles' feel to the escapade that one can't escape. It is inspiring and amazing. On the other hand, there does seem to be a certain understanding on the part of the viewer that Philippe would have been either dead or thwarted if not for the support of his friends, especially if he'd been left to his own devices, and that he left them behind in an unsavory way once his own star had been harnessed.

I hope that once I have created my own miracles - and you have created yours - that we are kinder to our friends, and more grateful to their wind beneath our wings.

I do recommend this movie. I found it a great story, intricate and textured, with intense human emotion that one both celebrates and mourns. And, of course, just seeing The Two Towers independent of the context of 9/11 is both haunting and refreshing.

Exhilarating, indeed. Enjoy!

Overcoming Rejection & Negativity

"Can't act, can't sing, balding. Can dance a little"

This now famous proclamation was made by a producer in Hollywood after a Fred Astaire screen test.

Harry Potter was rejected by eight publishers (and, as I understand it, it was an editorial assistant who went to bat for the book; the 'real' editor tossed it on the reject pile) before it was sold.

Colonel Sanders offered his chicken recipe to over 1,000 restaurant owners before one said 'yes'.

Of course these anecdotes truly resonate with us because we know the end of the story - and they're runaway-train successes.

As a writer, I hear these stories all the time: The NYT bestseller to whom a particularly mean-spirited editor or agent sent some variation of the message, "Don't quit your day job," or "Don't ever submit to me again - you're a lousy writer." Wow. Harsh and completely unnecessary. However, this type of commentary does happen.

So what to do?

Well, the first thing we can do - and again, this is one of those things that's much easier to say than to do - is to be determined not to take it personally. Yes, I know it's your book, your fledgling career, your baby. Whatever it is, it's a part of you, and it's so hard to take those kind of knocks without feeling deflated and hurt.

Still, you must find a way to do just that.

This is a tough business! (This phrase applies to almost any business.) Develop a tough skin.

Of course you hope no one is mean. But if they're mean, get over it. There are mean people in the world, and sometimes we come across them. Sometimes they have power over us, in that they might be able to decide whether or not we get published, whether or not we get the job, whether or not we make a sale.

You can't control that.

What you can control is how you react to what they say to you. No matter how kindly or horribly they're saying it, what they're really saying is, "No thank you." And you can choose to hear it that way.

The proper response is, "Thank you very much for your time and consideration. NEXT!" (I wouldn't recommend saying that last part out loud....)

Rejection is tough. Negativity is tough. Mean people suck (if you'll pardon the expression). But they're out there, all of them, and someday we're all going to come across them.

In my writers' group, we celebrate rejections. Rejections mean you're getting the work out there, and it means that you're producing work that can be sent.

Celebrate whatever work you're doing. Celebrate whatever steps you're taking. And if you come across any mean people along the way (perhaps I should say, when you come across mean people on the way), remind yourself that they only matter if they somehow dissuade you that your work doesn't matter.

So don't let them.

Finding Value in the Journey

“Just because something doesn’t do what you planned it to do doesn’t mean it’s useless.” ~ Thomas Edison

Over the past week, I've had a series of thought-provoking conversations that, upon reflection, boil down to the idea of journey vs. destination.

When we are caught up in life, and have expectations of what we think that should be or look like, we are often frustrated by the process. What we forget is that life truly is about the journey.

When we look at our lives, we are so judgmental. Especially to ourselves. Seeing our choices as bad, or mistakes, views them through a dark lens that is designed to make us feel small and demoralized. What if we could take all of our so-called mistakes and learn to view them as opportunities to learn?

I am especially aware of this as I watch a friend from childhood endure a series of painful break-ups, as he gives and gives and gives to one woman after another, and they pull out his heart, toss it to the ground and step on it with their stiletto heels. (Just a good visual image, not particular commentary on the type of woman I'm describing.)

And so, finally, I ask him of the last relationship, "Why do you put up with her treating you badly?"

"Because I love her. I love her unconditionally."

"Fine. Love her. Wish her the best as she heals. But don't stand in the road and wait for her to run you over as she self-destructs."

"So you think I'm weak?"

"Only you can answer that. What is weakness and what is strength can sometimes only be self-defined. But if you're fighting all the time, then the relationship isn't working. There comes a time when you need to draw a line in the sand that says, 'I love you, I will always love you, and I will do anything to make you happy, just so long as your happiness does not come at the expense of my own, or of my integrity.' And understand that if the relationship doesn't work out, it's because the two of you don't work well together, and you take responsibility for the parts that you contribute to its not working, and be honest with yourself about what she contributes. Without blame."

"You mean, I deserve more from her?"

"Well, yes. But you also deserve more from yourself. And you deserve to love yourself enough to walk away from something that's not working, because you know it's not working. You're not going to respect yourself in this relationship, and neither is she."

Of course, the next challenge - and all of these are huge challenges - is to be able to look at these relationships as opportunities to learn. For him, rather than berating himself for not being able to keep a relationship together, or for not being the man that this woman could love, perhaps the lesson he needs to learn is how to be in a good relationship. Or how to be good in a relationship - your best Self, your most authentic Self, respectful to Self and to your mate.

And so, now, he starts the process over again. I hope he begins feeling more empowered, more understanding of the lessons he's learning, more gentle with Self for making what he considers poor choices.

So I tell him, "Be the person you want to find."

And forgive yourself for having to endure the painful experience of not being that person to start with. And (yes, I know, it's so much easier to write this than to live it), greet the dread of heading out of the relationship with at least an attempt to consider it a blessing - opening up space to find a woman who will love you for who you are, with whom you are better matched, and who is healthier to begin with.

Understand that going through the journey allows you to learn the lessons that attracts that mate, a healthier mate, into your life, because you yourself are in the right place to accept it.

May we all have the courage, the compassion, and the love of Self to reframe our lives as lessons we're learning as we go along, and to forgive ourselves for all the so-called mistakes we think we've made.

I'm trying. This is not easy for me, either, because I have high expectations for myself and I get angry and frustrated when I perceive that I've missed a self-imposed 'mark'. I revisit moments in my past when I feel like I've failed, and I relive the shame and guilt as if it were happening today.

But even I'm getting better. When those memories rise up, I try to remind myself that there was some blessing in having experienced it (even if I can't for the life of me comprehend what it might have been). I see myself in that moment and I imagine me, today, giving the Self in that moment a hug. A hug full of the love, compassion and forgiveness that sometimes seems hard to find from anyone else, and especially from myself.

It's a step in the right direction. I think it's making a difference.

Dream Boarding

“The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want.” ~ Ben Stein

In a previous post, I mentioned dream boarding, and I thought I'd bring this up again, since it's a great activity to try to do in January as a bridge to the rest of the year.

Dream boarding is collaging, looking for pictures and images in magazines or other media that represent things you would like to attract into your life. These can be anything - the sky's the limit.

What I really enjoy about dream boarding is that it's a fun activity that puts you in touch with things you'd like to have - but it can also help you narrow down things you really like, so that when the time comes and these things are available, you know what you want.

This isn't just about things. It's about lifestyle. Perhaps you like having fresh flowers in your home on a regular basis, but it's not really an expense you feel you can justify. Putting it on the board might help you realize that this is something you love, so perhaps you start making different choices so that flowers can be a part of your life. Perhaps you can have omelettes one night a week instead of a meat dish, which makes room in your budget for flowers.

The board can be an inspiration. If eating healthfully has always been a goal, but one you can't bring yourself to attain, putting pictures of fruits & vegetables on a dream board can be a visual reminder regarding your aspirations ~ and, if you choose the right pictures, it can be motivating, too! (yum!)

Yes, it's fun to include some images that seem out of reach - a tropical beach, the Eiffel Tower, or a BMW convertible might be beyond your current means, and perhaps should not dominate your board if they are. But if these are indeed things you'd like to acquire or experience someday, by all means include them. Again, this exercise is about expanding the horizons of your dreams as well as creating a visual, motivating reminder for attaining them.

I will be doing one before the end of the month.

Some things you might find on my Dream Board?

A Harlequin/Silhouette contract (not sure how I'll represent that visually, but I'm affirming there's a way). A Volvo convertible (yes, my dream car!). A candle, symbolizing a more balanced spirit. An image of friends having dinner together, because one hope this year is to socialize more, both in our home and outside of it. And perhaps a woman doing a yoga pose, because that's something I've been considering more seriously. Those are images I expect to find for my board. Of course, part of the joy and the surprise of the exercise is also exploring pictures and coming across things that move you, that you weren't looking for.

2010 ~ Begin Again: Let the images move you.



(And, speaking of dreams - A quick nod to the man who helped change the world through his vision. May Martin Luther King, Jr. remind us all of the power and efficacy of dreams. Amen)

A Family Retreat

In case you were wondering, I have not posted the last couple of days because I was on a retreat with my husband and younger son and did not have access to the internet. I will try to post a couple 'extras' in the next couple days, but since this blog is about inspiration, I am giving myself permission to remember what my own priorities are.

This retreat was such a gift!

First of all, it was family retreat, which meant lots of kids! My husband and I decided to go because the Youth Minister at our church encouraged us to. In the end, we felt somewhat like elder statesmen, since we were the only ones there without at least one child under the age of 10. But it was a good reminder for us as to how liberating it is to have older children, and a good reminder to all of those parents living through the chaos of life with young children that there is indeed life at the end of the tunnel.

We remember how it was to not be able to have a conversation without being interrupted ten times by your child(ren). The other parents were amazed when we mentioned that our (12-year-old) son had warned us in advance that he'd mostly be spending time with his friends at the retreat, so not to feel bad if he barely spoke to us all week-end.

While they were cutting up food and struggling to keep their kids in their seats and fed, we were waving at our son across the room, reminding him that we were indeed in the same building.

We've been there. We remember. I was that frazzled, distracted, hollow-eyed parent of two toddlers. In nine months, I will be the mother of two teen-agers. Each age has its blessings and its challenges. Each parent has his golden moments and her moments of shame. We all have our strengths and our weaknesses.

Once upon a time I had two children who loved to cuddle and would sit on my lap for hours, if I'd let them. Today I have intelligent, independent kids who are finding their own way in the world, and taking up interests and living lives that at times leave me in the dark.

I am amazed by them, in awe of them, afraid for them, inspired by them. They make me laugh, cry, scream in frustration, and sigh in gratitude.

But what I was distinctly aware of this week-end was that it is so easy to take where you are and what you're doing for granted. I looked around the circle of children and missed my sons' chubby cheeks and sweet innocence. I know I appreciated them when I had them, but I hope I was as grateful for them as I should have been. I'm not sure. As easy as it is to forget the mind-numbing exhaustion of that period of life, you also forget the day-to-day pleasures and little joys of having very young children. For me, they are gone forever.

I didn't tell those parents this week-end about that, because I could tell it wasn't something they could understand, just as it wasn't something I could truly understand even as I was living through it myself.

But in case it might help you, I offer you this:

"I know that you're exhausted, and you can't see through to tomorrow, much less next week, and certainly not five years from now. But remember to hug your children every single night and tell them how much you love them, even if you had a day full of struggles and the mother of all toddler battles. Because the day will come when they won't want to hold your hand, and they'd rather be with their friends instead of you, and the fact that they aren't asking a thousand questions a day will be very liberating but also bittersweet."

Life is about change, and what we most want for our children is for them to grow up into happy, healthy individuals who care about other people and the world around them.

Chances are you're doing a great job - so pat yourself on the back. But take a minute out of your day to take a deep breath and remind yourself of all the great things you have in your life, and if children are a part of that, see them in your mind's eye and hold onto them, just exactly as they are, and be grateful.

Life

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." ~ John Lennon

This will be a short post, since I have been a busy writer today (over 3,000 words - yay, me!) and also chatted with more than one friend. In the last couple days I have had friends tell me I am 'wise', 'wonderful', 'so nurturing' and 'such a great guide'.

(Sigh of contentment)

I have also snapped at my husband and yelled at my son.

(Sigh of regret.)

My kitchen is a wreck, I REALLY need to clean out some closets, and I still haven't managed to take down my Christmas tree. (I know. I KNOW! Well, okay, actually, once, when I was 22, my roommate and I took it down in mid-February - we lived in a high~rise and the bin was full of trees. I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse, but I am certain my husband isn't going to let me get away with anything close to that. Tomorrow. I'll take it down tomorrow.)

(sigh of long-suffering.)

At the end of a day, especially a good writing day, I sometimes find myself hard-pressed to feel enthusiastic. Usually many words on the manuscript means quite a few hours on the computer, which translates into unfolded laundry, too many dishes in the sink, and a handful of other unattended tasks.

And, usually, I'm exhausted.

I am thankful that my husband is generally forgiving, even if the house can be designated a national disaster, and he is very supportive of my writing. I do, of course, feel guilty, and often frustrated, since I seem to be the one in the house that disorder affects the most (ah, glory, a female Virgo in a family of boys - not that I really agree with that stuff, but there's something about Virgo and disorder...).

I am under deadline, both internally and externally designated, and I am ignoring my son-at-home on a regular basis.

I know. This is supposed to be a positive blog!

So here it is, the positive part.

My life really is great. Even in the midst of chaos ~ and really, this is a relative term in Suburban America ~ I am able to sit back and breathe, and remind myself that this will end. I only have to take the Christmas tree down once a year (tomorrow! really!) and unfolded laundry is significantly better than dirty laundry.

Dishes may pile up, but sooner or later they get washed - and if you don't get to it before it becomes an emergency, then it becomes an emergency, and guess what? The world does not come to an end. Instead, the dishes get washed.

Some amazing things in my life are that I have dishes that can get dirty, and clothes that go unfolded, and way too much stuff in my house. Clutter can be really annoying, but it is so much better than the alternative. Most certainly, clutter does not represent lack.

I am blessed with abundance.

A loving husband, really great kids, terrific friends. A house full of too much stuff that ultimately I will chip away at, after all the projects are turned in and (affirming here) I actually get the contract I'm waiting to hear on.

So just a small reminder to you and to Self that life is so often how we look at it - whether we choose to see the details as full of wonder or full of irritation.

“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie―not perfect but who’s complaining?” ~ Robert Brault

This sentiment can be applied to regular life as well, and should be, on a regular basis.

And lest we desire any further reminders to hug our loved ones and thank the Universe for our blessings, we need only open a paper and look at the devastation in Haiti.

We are fortunate indeed.

What Do You Want?

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." - Mark Twain

Part of the reason I decided to write this blog was because I have a tendency to be very hard on myself, and, at times, rather than being captain of my own soul, I am architect of my own hardship. I realize that I bring myself down, by my feelings of lack - lack of talent, lack of confidence, lack of trust, lack of faith.

And yet, I know that I'm talented. Talented, accomplished people I am blessed to know have told me so. So why is it so hard for me to believe it? (Goodness knows, and truly, that's a post for another day.) My point isn't that I need to figure this out, my point is that I need to get over it.

At heart, my feelings of lack stem from fear. 'What if I'm really not good enough?' 'What if I don't get the right editor?' Or, worse, because this comes from the smallest part of my soul, 'I know I'm a better writer than she is!'

Thankfully, these negative emotions are fewer and farther between, because I have realized how self-defeating they are, and I try to nip them in the bud, rather than dwell in them, or let them linger. (Though I am human, and I do have my moments.)

Affirmations, visualization, and journaling work for me - and the more I use them, the better they work. I do have faith. I have faith in my talent, in my hard work, in my circle of friends who are writing their own books, setting their own goals, following their own dreams.

I also have faith in this endeavor. I believe that it is an opportunity to explore my own interests and inspirations, and that by sharing them, a larger audience can benefit. I hope so.

2010, Begin Again. Through my writing, my relationships, my interest, my intention and my action, I am changing my life this year. I hope you decide to join me, and spend a little time contemplating what changing your life looks like.

If this is something you'd like to explore, then here are a few suggestion:

Journal ~ Some possible questions:

* What do I think of when I say to myself, 'my dream life'?

* What does success mean to me? (a lake house? a Mercedes? early retirement?)

* Am I fulfilled?
If yes (congratulations!), are there interests I'd nonetheless like to pursue?
If no, what changes do I think I can make to get closer?
~ Think baby, not drastic, steps. Chances are you can't quit your job tomorrow.

Dream Boarding ~ Get some posterboard, scissors, a glue stick and a big pile of magazines. Cut and paste pictures of things you'd like to see in your life, as a visual reminder of (and inspiration for) your dreams.

Meditation/Visualizing ~ Take a few quiet minutes (preferably every day) to close your eyes and allow your mind to explore what your dream life looks like. This can be as simple as a new dining room table or as grand as accepting an Academy Award. Whatever the dream, just be comfortable with it and see yourself 'there'. If it's a new dining room, know what you want. Oval or rectangular? Walnut or Oak? Legs or pedestal? If it's accepting an Academy Award, see yourself in front of the microphone on the stage of the Grand Pavillion, looking down at the people in the first row. (Who do you see there? Jack Nicholson? Make it real. Fill in the blanks - or the seats!) Have fun with this.

These are some simple fun ways to get started on what may be a new path for you. It's as much about the journey as it is the destination.

Happy dreams!

Living the Dream

I have a friend who lives in Thailand. She and her partner worked very hard for quite a few years, saved their money, paid attention to the real estate market to flip a couple of houses in London, and managed to retire early and buy a condo in Phuket. (Life is not really settled for them - they won't likely stay forever. But for now, they are able to live a life of retirement in a dream spot.)

It's a small, one bedroom condo. As she says, "I don't really need a lot. I'd much rather have a small space and fewer things, and have my freedom."

On a recent chat (a parenthetical 'aside' - I simply LOVE facebook!), we were discussing the choices we'd made - I, with my four bedroom house in Madison, two cars, two kids and three cats, and she with her small condo and paradise life in Thailand. I told her how much I admired her, how great I thought it was that she and her boyfriend were so well-suited, that they shared the same values and dreams. "Dreams?" she replied. "I don't believe in dreams. I believe in goals."

An interesting comment. "Of course you believe in dreams," I responded. "You're living one! Dreams," I continued, "in the sense that you have an idea of what it is you want to do and you set out to do it. Goals, to me, are the steps you take to get to the dream. You can call it what you like. But you always had an idea of what you wanted your life to look like. And now you have it."

"I see what you're saying." There was a 'chat pause'. "I guess I think of dreams as things that you just wish for, and I don't believe in those. I believe in hard work and making sacrifices and not going out for drinks even when your friends call you a boring prat (blog note: she's English), because you're saving every penny you make for the next trip around the world."

Exactly. She may call it goal-setting, I call it following her dream - we agree on the end result. (I think her idea of dreams is more dreaming, in the wool-gathering sense, which still has value, but only if you put a little action behind it. I'm sure she and I can discuss it on some other occasion.)

Make no mistake. My friend and her boyfriend worked very hard to earn their early retirement. They also made choices. (For instance, they decided not to have children.) They discussed early on in their relationship what they wanted out of life, and discovered they were well-matched as a couple. They were honest with each other, and with themselves.

They made commitments, and they honored them.

They understood with clarity what they wanted, and what it would take to get it. Then they went after it with vision, dedication and a lot of work.

It's a great story. Even better, it's a great life.

Dreams of My Childhood

When I was a child I used to dream that my life would be DIFFERENT.

I wasn't exactly sure what that would look like, but I'm pretty sure it included a best friend, a kitty cat, not wearing my red plaid Catholic school uniform, and, for at least one year, not having a teacher who hated me.

Oh, and a pool in my back yard.

It might have included something really awful happening to Melissa O., the spoiled, mean girl in my class who picked on me more than anyone else, and maybe, just maybe, it included a certain boy wanting to kiss me behind the bushes of the basketball court.

Some memories of this time are as hazy as a foggy morning, and others as clear and sharp as ice.

This is the luxury and burden of childhood. Infinite possibilities, yet no real directions - that is assuming we even have a vague idea of the path we want to take.

As adults, we understand that anything we want to do in life will include a trajectory, and that there are no guarantees we will wind up with what we started out to gain. It is both frightening and empowering.

As children we want to snap our fingers and KNOW that tomorrow, everything will be perfect. We will have everything we want, and everyone will love us because we do.

As adults, we know that life is the journey, and that most of the kids who had everything they wanted (aforementioned Melissa O. comes to mind) weren't generally the nicest kids on the block. Maybe everyone wanted to play with them because they had the coolest toys, but the price you paid was always having to watch your back.

Today my dreams consist of some similar things I wished for in my childhood. I do want my life to be different, but I know that the most likely way for that to happen will be through hard work and dedication to my goals.

I no longer need a best friend. I've had many close friends through the years, and I understand that sometimes friendships ebb and flow, or crash and burn. As painful as these things can be, they are also necessary. I have been a horrible person in my life, we all have - truly the best friends in life are the ones who've seen you at your lowest and offered you a hand to help you up. (I'm definitely blessed with a few of these, and I wouldn't trade them for all the diamonds in Africa.)

I met the boy of my dreams and he kissed me after we watched Casablanca together in a real theater (if you know me, you know how perfect this is!) - and married me two years later. He's never seen that basketball court, but I suppose we'll make our way back there someday. (We have three rescued cats, and two amazing kids.)

I'm not so jazzed about the idea of a pool in my back yard, but I'd love for my wonderful neighbors to get one. And as for that uniform, I haven't seen it in over 25 years, and I thought I'd never want to again, but I saw a picture of a class wearing them on facebook, and I felt oddly nostalgic and affectionate.

Our lives are a tapestry, woven together with a million different threads in ways we don't even understand. The older I get, strangely, the better able I am to both let go of the things I need to, and to hold on more tightly to the things I love.

It's a gift, and I am grateful.

Starting Over

"Live out of your imagination, not your history." ~ Stephen Covey

Younger son and I made a yummy cauliflower cheese sauce (healthy AND decadent - who knew that phrase could exist?!) and poured it over baked potatoes and broccoli. Did I say, YUMMY?

The gift of these dishes is not simply healthy choices that satisfy us. For me, it is the reminder that a little effort in making small changes makes a big difference. It's not significantly more complicated to make this cauliflower cheese sauce - in fact, it may be less so. I think stewing cauliflower in milk and garlic might be easier than making a roux. It's possibly a couple more steps, and we had to wash a few more bowls, but it was well worth it, and I love knowing that we had a really nutritious meal that felt like a treat.

I also love the process. We made a decision to find a healthier alternative. We followed the steps. In my case, I learned something new, and overcame a lifelong understanding of how to make a cheese sauce. (And truth be told, I really DO like the flavor better. Amazing.)

Do you know how many times I've told myself I should eat better? Or cook better? Probably at least 150 days a year for the last, oh, fifteen years. (Does this sound at all familiar?)

Getting started starts with a thought, a desire, maybe a need. That leads to a next step. Maybe information gathering, or fact-finding. Then, action. Will + Information + Action can change your life.

You are welcome to start and to quit at any time. I'm not going to tell you you have to do anything. But I'm guessing there's something you've always wanted to do, possibly even something you've started and quit.

Believe me, I know, it's not easy. But I'll be here for you, fighting the same battles, trying to keep myself in line right next to you.

Tonight, I made the best cheese sauce I've ever made in my life. Tonight I made a cheese sauce that is better for me than any cheese sauce I've ever made in my life. That makes me really, really happy.

It doesn't matter how many times over the last fifteen years I've told myself I should make better choices, or learn how to cook more healthfully for my family. Today, I did it.

The beauty of THAT choice is that now I know how - with at least one dish. Next time it gets even easier. I'm changing our lives one confidence-building baby step at a time.

And the excitement I feel at these small successes will likely - though not necessarily - lead me to seek out more opportunities to learn and make healthier choices.

So, if you're 'listening', I set some goals today -

* at least five really healthy main meals this week

* at least 8,000 words on the manuscript

* edits/organizing 1st manuscript

Keep me honest! (Anything you want to share?)

Have a great week!

One Small Thing

Do you celebrate the little things?

I don't. Not often enough, anyway. But tonight, I'm celebrating soup.

One thing I promised myself (and, more subtly my family) was that we would eat more healthfully this year. Of the four of us (darling husband, elder son, younger son and me), only elder son doesn't worry about his weight - and he's away at school, so there's not a whole lot of control we have over his food choices.

As for the rest of us, this year is the year we will eat better, with more fruits and vegetables, less sugar (though we're really not big sugar eaters) and fewer processed meals. Younger son (12) and I agreed that he would play a bigger role in preparing and cooking meals, and I set out just after the first of the year and to buy bags full of fresh, healthy food - even things I've rarely or never cooked before: parsnips, butternut squash, cauliflower, spinach.

Tonight, younger son and I prepared one of the healthiest, yummiest dishes I've ever made in my life - and it was fantastic! I had a recipe, but I had to make some changes - in part due to preference (I confess I am not a huge fennel fan) and in part due to availability (Woodman's truly didn't have any, nor rosemary either, if you can believe it!). To be honest, I am firmly of the opinion that nearly any spice or herb can be substituted fairly favorably by cilantro - and this philosophy has held me in fairly good stead for much of my cooking life. I am happy to say that tonight was no exception, and this amazing, filling, healthful, yummy soup, tweaked slightly, satisfied our bodies and souls.

Now here's the thing ~ I am notorious for bringing home loads of fresh food and then feeling paralyzed by 'what to do with it'.

Sadly, and to my shame, often the wonderful food rots in my crisper drawer while I flounder in a sea of indecision and fear.

This time I was determined. No matter what, I was making this soup tonight. So I was missing a couple of ingredients. So I'd never cooked with parsnips before. So my food processor seems a little iffy (thanks, btw, to wonderful DH, who got it back to functioning). Tonight, I was making soup.

2010 ~ Begin Again.

Buy the vegetables and make the soup. Start exercising today, even if you ate half a cheesecake yesterday. Write 1,000 words, even if you haven't touched the thing in three months. In fact, write 10 words. Realize that yes, goals are easy to set and not always so easy to reach. But even if you've tripped up on the same road a hundred times before, sometimes it's the hundred-and-first that finds success. Stand up, brush yourself off, and keep moving. Again. And again. And again.

Begin again in 2010. Every single day.

Considering the Path

The creation of a thousand forests lies in one acorn. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

A little seedling for thought. I wonder sometimes what makes men and women great, and it occurs to me that one shared quality is that generally, none of them set out to be 'great'. Nor do many of them set out to do 'great things'. Upon reflection, what defines great men and women is that they set out to do something, and they do it with care and intention, and often with passion. Usually, they don't set out to change the world, but simply by being a shining example of showing up and digging in, they manage somehow to do it.

Sometimes what they do is brave (like Mandela), sometimes it's compassionate (like Mother Teresa), sometimes it's simply so compelling they would never be complete without it (Michelangelo comes to mind).

All of them inspire us, but one can't be inspiring by thinking about doing something. You actually have to do it.

(Yep, this is one I apparently need to pay attention to myself right now - not enough pages recently to meet my goals. On the flip side, I have written something almost everyday, so I'll pat myself on the back with one hand, and give myself a little lecture with the other.)

It's Friday, and I've posted every day since the end of last year. (I guess that will sound slightly more impressive come July, but it's a start!) First steps can be the most powerful ones.

"Put one foot in front of the other." So says the Winter Warlock from Santa Claus is Coming to Town. He's definitely got something there.

Invictus II

Invictus is not the greatest movie ever made, and in many ways it pales in comparison to other Clint Eastwood movies of the past few years. Million Dollar Baby and Gran Torino, especially, are films that should not be missed, thought-provoking glimpses into morality and humanity that will leave you contemplating their message and truth for a very long time.

Invictus, however, is a different sort of animal. This is an Underdog Sports Story you've heard and seen before. The main difference is the political and emotional backdrop of South Africa, and the amazing real-life superhero Nelson Mandela. When Mandela becomes President and is faced with the overwhelming task of healing a country whose very existence has been turned on its ear, he uses the 1995 Rugby World Cup to bring together countrymen who have considered each other enemies since they were born.

It is worth seeing for many reasons, not least of which is the grace and subtlety Eastwood uses to tell a story that could easily slip into emotional melodrama and to deliver a message so intrinsically powerful that delicacy is called for in order to keep the audience from feeling they'd come under the influence of a sledgehammer.

This is myth and legend, but unlike most stories of this genre, it is not solely the passion and leadership of the players or the coach that leads to a blazing path of glory. It is the visionary President himself who sets the team and the nation on the road to victory, in the face of opposition from followers, detractors and even his most loyal inner staff.

The first step toward forgiveness and reconciliation is World Cup dominion.

It's far more complicated than this, of course, and part of the genius of both Mandela as leader and Eastwood as director is that we are led to consider answers on our own, with a gentle hand, rather than being shown and told how we should feel.

One of the most powerful moments of the movie is seeing the scope of Nelson Mandela's (actual) prison cell, no bigger than a closet, really.

He changed the world, which is astonishing enough. To see where he did it leaves me speechless.

Mandela turned 90 in 2009. What a difference one man can make.

Unconquerable

Have you seen the movie INVICTUS?

It's worth your time.

The poem that inspired Nelson Mandela:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

(written by William Ernest Henley, 1875)



And as we all know, Nelson Mandela inspires the world.

Listen. Learn. Allow.

To accomplish great things, we must dream as well as act. ~ Anatole France


What are your dreams? What do you believe in? What are your talents?

I know there’s greatness in you. Take the first step. No one knows better what that is, right here, right now, than you do. Be still. Listen. Ask yourself the hard questions, and have faith that the answers are there within you, divinely inspired. They’ll come, either in the silence, or on a journal page, or when you’re chopping vegetables. Learn how to listen. Then take the first step. You may not be ready yet to fly, but it will come. Stretch your wings, exercise your muscles.

Breathe. Listen. Inhale. Exhale. The truth is in the air. You’ll find it.

What did you do today?

Just Imagine

“Do not lose hold of your dreams or aspirations. For if you do, you may still exist but you have ceased to live.” ~ Thoreau


A quick post today, since I must rise before the sun to take my son to the airport.

We are, many of us, creatures of habit. And often these habits inhibit us from reaching – or even searching for – the life we dream of.

While we hope to write our novel, we can only find the energy to watch our favorite television show. This is fine on the occasional basis, but when you settle into the habit of procrastinating on the goal because you are content, you may be risking joy.

(full disclosure: I can be the Queen of Procrastination)

I find that the times I am most constant to tasks that support my pursuit of my dream life are the times that I am able to keep the end in mind. Reaching a small-term goal that I set for myself frees me to relax and watch the show, because I have first completed the assigned task.

As I’ve posted before, better to have a small goal than you will meet on a regular basis than a large goal that in itself will discourage you from completing it.

But more importantly, focus on The Dream. The dream may be to get published, but the (great big) task is to write a book, and the smaller task is to write 100 words a day (for instance). If you get stuck on the great big task – and it’s easy to, because the idea of it is rather overwhelming – then focus on the smaller task, and get it done. But if you’re tired and just want to watch you’re tv show – then take a step back and focus on The Dream.

See yourself holding the book in your hand. Imagine going to your favorite bookstore and finding your book, with your name on it, on the shelf, right next to Nora Roberts or Stephen King. (This might, of course, depend on the kind of book you write, and also what letter of the alphabet your real name or pseudonym begins with, but it’s definitely fun to imagine.) Spending a little bit of time putting the power of your imagination behind your dream, and also allowing it to motivate you, can be a few minutes well spent.

Close your eyes. Just imagine.

Right Thoughts, Write Actions

Somehow I can't believe that there are any heights that can't be scaled by a man who knows the secrets of making dreams come true. This special secret, it seems to me, can be summarized in four C's. They are curiosity, confidence, courage, and constancy. ~ Walt Disney


So simple, and yet so complex.

"But what do I do when I don't know what I want to do?"

A very good question. Hard to know how to pursue your dreams when you can't clarify, even to yourself, what they are.

First of all, be gentle with yourself. We have the tendency to believe that everyone else has it right, but we alone are the idiot who can't figure it out. Nothing could be further from the truth, no matter what the subject - for every one clear-sighted soul who has all the answers there must be at least three (if not ten, or a thousand) who don't. Of course, we know this, too. We do! But we're so busy being hard on ourselves for not being the one, so unable to forgive ourselves, that we still convince ourselves there's something wrong with us for not getting it.

So let it go. Get out of your own way and allow yourself to ponder. Life is the journey, not the destination - so enjoy the journey.

Curiosity is a good indicator here. Want to know what your dreams are? Follow your bliss. I know, it's a really popular phrase right now, but that doesn't mean it lacks merit. You know what you love, and chances are something you love holds the key to clarifying your dreams.

Get a journal - a simple spiral notebook will do - and ask yourself some questions. Brainstorm. Give yourself a deadline (five minutes, or twenty, whatever seems right to you) and a task ('50 Things I Love' or 'Activities That Make Me Happy'). Set a timer and start writing. To the best of your ability, try to free flow it, rather than intellectualize.

(If you're interested, some things I love are curry, red shoes, dark purple ink and fountain pens.)

These exercises are deceptively simple. You may be amazed at the subtle insights you'll discover by the details that end up on your lists. Reconnecting to interests and passions, reminding yourself of an aspect of Self you'd put aside, or even spotlighting something you do everyday that has lost its significance because it's slipped into routine, can be powerful touchstones to a deeper, richer, more satisfying life.

Some considerations:

* Things you loved to do as a child

* Hobbies you've considered taking up in the past

* Activities you 'mean' to do, but get left by the wayside (especially when you're too busy)

* 50 Things I've loved through my life

* 10 People I really admire (bonus points for why - can be people in your life, or Ghandi. You choose.)

By the way, if you happen to be one of those clear-sighted visionary persons who knows exactly what they're aiming for - exercises such as these will likely help you, too.

Ready. Set. Write!