A Family Retreat
In case you were wondering, I have not posted the last couple of days because I was on a retreat with my husband and younger son and did not have access to the internet. I will try to post a couple 'extras' in the next couple days, but since this blog is about inspiration, I am giving myself permission to remember what my own priorities are.
This retreat was such a gift!
First of all, it was family retreat, which meant lots of kids! My husband and I decided to go because the Youth Minister at our church encouraged us to. In the end, we felt somewhat like elder statesmen, since we were the only ones there without at least one child under the age of 10. But it was a good reminder for us as to how liberating it is to have older children, and a good reminder to all of those parents living through the chaos of life with young children that there is indeed life at the end of the tunnel.
We remember how it was to not be able to have a conversation without being interrupted ten times by your child(ren). The other parents were amazed when we mentioned that our (12-year-old) son had warned us in advance that he'd mostly be spending time with his friends at the retreat, so not to feel bad if he barely spoke to us all week-end.
While they were cutting up food and struggling to keep their kids in their seats and fed, we were waving at our son across the room, reminding him that we were indeed in the same building.
We've been there. We remember. I was that frazzled, distracted, hollow-eyed parent of two toddlers. In nine months, I will be the mother of two teen-agers. Each age has its blessings and its challenges. Each parent has his golden moments and her moments of shame. We all have our strengths and our weaknesses.
Once upon a time I had two children who loved to cuddle and would sit on my lap for hours, if I'd let them. Today I have intelligent, independent kids who are finding their own way in the world, and taking up interests and living lives that at times leave me in the dark.
I am amazed by them, in awe of them, afraid for them, inspired by them. They make me laugh, cry, scream in frustration, and sigh in gratitude.
But what I was distinctly aware of this week-end was that it is so easy to take where you are and what you're doing for granted. I looked around the circle of children and missed my sons' chubby cheeks and sweet innocence. I know I appreciated them when I had them, but I hope I was as grateful for them as I should have been. I'm not sure. As easy as it is to forget the mind-numbing exhaustion of that period of life, you also forget the day-to-day pleasures and little joys of having very young children. For me, they are gone forever.
I didn't tell those parents this week-end about that, because I could tell it wasn't something they could understand, just as it wasn't something I could truly understand even as I was living through it myself.
But in case it might help you, I offer you this:
"I know that you're exhausted, and you can't see through to tomorrow, much less next week, and certainly not five years from now. But remember to hug your children every single night and tell them how much you love them, even if you had a day full of struggles and the mother of all toddler battles. Because the day will come when they won't want to hold your hand, and they'd rather be with their friends instead of you, and the fact that they aren't asking a thousand questions a day will be very liberating but also bittersweet."
Life is about change, and what we most want for our children is for them to grow up into happy, healthy individuals who care about other people and the world around them.
Chances are you're doing a great job - so pat yourself on the back. But take a minute out of your day to take a deep breath and remind yourself of all the great things you have in your life, and if children are a part of that, see them in your mind's eye and hold onto them, just exactly as they are, and be grateful.
This retreat was such a gift!
First of all, it was family retreat, which meant lots of kids! My husband and I decided to go because the Youth Minister at our church encouraged us to. In the end, we felt somewhat like elder statesmen, since we were the only ones there without at least one child under the age of 10. But it was a good reminder for us as to how liberating it is to have older children, and a good reminder to all of those parents living through the chaos of life with young children that there is indeed life at the end of the tunnel.
We remember how it was to not be able to have a conversation without being interrupted ten times by your child(ren). The other parents were amazed when we mentioned that our (12-year-old) son had warned us in advance that he'd mostly be spending time with his friends at the retreat, so not to feel bad if he barely spoke to us all week-end.
While they were cutting up food and struggling to keep their kids in their seats and fed, we were waving at our son across the room, reminding him that we were indeed in the same building.
We've been there. We remember. I was that frazzled, distracted, hollow-eyed parent of two toddlers. In nine months, I will be the mother of two teen-agers. Each age has its blessings and its challenges. Each parent has his golden moments and her moments of shame. We all have our strengths and our weaknesses.
Once upon a time I had two children who loved to cuddle and would sit on my lap for hours, if I'd let them. Today I have intelligent, independent kids who are finding their own way in the world, and taking up interests and living lives that at times leave me in the dark.
I am amazed by them, in awe of them, afraid for them, inspired by them. They make me laugh, cry, scream in frustration, and sigh in gratitude.
But what I was distinctly aware of this week-end was that it is so easy to take where you are and what you're doing for granted. I looked around the circle of children and missed my sons' chubby cheeks and sweet innocence. I know I appreciated them when I had them, but I hope I was as grateful for them as I should have been. I'm not sure. As easy as it is to forget the mind-numbing exhaustion of that period of life, you also forget the day-to-day pleasures and little joys of having very young children. For me, they are gone forever.
I didn't tell those parents this week-end about that, because I could tell it wasn't something they could understand, just as it wasn't something I could truly understand even as I was living through it myself.
But in case it might help you, I offer you this:
"I know that you're exhausted, and you can't see through to tomorrow, much less next week, and certainly not five years from now. But remember to hug your children every single night and tell them how much you love them, even if you had a day full of struggles and the mother of all toddler battles. Because the day will come when they won't want to hold your hand, and they'd rather be with their friends instead of you, and the fact that they aren't asking a thousand questions a day will be very liberating but also bittersweet."
Life is about change, and what we most want for our children is for them to grow up into happy, healthy individuals who care about other people and the world around them.
Chances are you're doing a great job - so pat yourself on the back. But take a minute out of your day to take a deep breath and remind yourself of all the great things you have in your life, and if children are a part of that, see them in your mind's eye and hold onto them, just exactly as they are, and be grateful.
posted by bobbi at 9:15 PM
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