Living the Dream
I have a friend who lives in Thailand. She and her partner worked very hard for quite a few years, saved their money, paid attention to the real estate market to flip a couple of houses in London, and managed to retire early and buy a condo in Phuket. (Life is not really settled for them - they won't likely stay forever. But for now, they are able to live a life of retirement in a dream spot.)
It's a small, one bedroom condo. As she says, "I don't really need a lot. I'd much rather have a small space and fewer things, and have my freedom."
On a recent chat (a parenthetical 'aside' - I simply LOVE facebook!), we were discussing the choices we'd made - I, with my four bedroom house in Madison, two cars, two kids and three cats, and she with her small condo and paradise life in Thailand. I told her how much I admired her, how great I thought it was that she and her boyfriend were so well-suited, that they shared the same values and dreams. "Dreams?" she replied. "I don't believe in dreams. I believe in goals."
An interesting comment. "Of course you believe in dreams," I responded. "You're living one! Dreams," I continued, "in the sense that you have an idea of what it is you want to do and you set out to do it. Goals, to me, are the steps you take to get to the dream. You can call it what you like. But you always had an idea of what you wanted your life to look like. And now you have it."
"I see what you're saying." There was a 'chat pause'. "I guess I think of dreams as things that you just wish for, and I don't believe in those. I believe in hard work and making sacrifices and not going out for drinks even when your friends call you a boring prat (blog note: she's English), because you're saving every penny you make for the next trip around the world."
Exactly. She may call it goal-setting, I call it following her dream - we agree on the end result. (I think her idea of dreams is more dreaming, in the wool-gathering sense, which still has value, but only if you put a little action behind it. I'm sure she and I can discuss it on some other occasion.)
Make no mistake. My friend and her boyfriend worked very hard to earn their early retirement. They also made choices. (For instance, they decided not to have children.) They discussed early on in their relationship what they wanted out of life, and discovered they were well-matched as a couple. They were honest with each other, and with themselves.
They made commitments, and they honored them.
They understood with clarity what they wanted, and what it would take to get it. Then they went after it with vision, dedication and a lot of work.
It's a great story. Even better, it's a great life.
It's a small, one bedroom condo. As she says, "I don't really need a lot. I'd much rather have a small space and fewer things, and have my freedom."
On a recent chat (a parenthetical 'aside' - I simply LOVE facebook!), we were discussing the choices we'd made - I, with my four bedroom house in Madison, two cars, two kids and three cats, and she with her small condo and paradise life in Thailand. I told her how much I admired her, how great I thought it was that she and her boyfriend were so well-suited, that they shared the same values and dreams. "Dreams?" she replied. "I don't believe in dreams. I believe in goals."
An interesting comment. "Of course you believe in dreams," I responded. "You're living one! Dreams," I continued, "in the sense that you have an idea of what it is you want to do and you set out to do it. Goals, to me, are the steps you take to get to the dream. You can call it what you like. But you always had an idea of what you wanted your life to look like. And now you have it."
"I see what you're saying." There was a 'chat pause'. "I guess I think of dreams as things that you just wish for, and I don't believe in those. I believe in hard work and making sacrifices and not going out for drinks even when your friends call you a boring prat (blog note: she's English), because you're saving every penny you make for the next trip around the world."
Exactly. She may call it goal-setting, I call it following her dream - we agree on the end result. (I think her idea of dreams is more dreaming, in the wool-gathering sense, which still has value, but only if you put a little action behind it. I'm sure she and I can discuss it on some other occasion.)
Make no mistake. My friend and her boyfriend worked very hard to earn their early retirement. They also made choices. (For instance, they decided not to have children.) They discussed early on in their relationship what they wanted out of life, and discovered they were well-matched as a couple. They were honest with each other, and with themselves.
They made commitments, and they honored them.
They understood with clarity what they wanted, and what it would take to get it. Then they went after it with vision, dedication and a lot of work.
It's a great story. Even better, it's a great life.
posted by bobbi at 9:57 PM
4 Comments:
What a wonderful example your friend is, even if you disagree on the semantics! To piggyback on an earlier post of yours...our lives may end up completely different than our childhood dreams, but at some point we do grow up and realize we are where we are because of the choices we make. I think that is the mark of true maturity: taking on the role of choice-maker vs. victim of circumstances. The trick involved is to remember to dream like we did when we were children. That's the hard part for me, anyway!
Good points, Chris. I also sometimes think that when we're unhappy, we have the feeling our dreams CAN'T come true - but when we're content, we forget to dream, perhaps because we almost (or subconsciously) feel like we're being ungrateful for what we have. So maybe that's where you are - you're so grateful and content, that maybe you feel you'd be grasping to want more? (Just a thought that came to me - could be completely off base. But consider considering it?) ;o)
No, you're not completely off base! There is something to be said for sinking into a quagmire of contentment; though for me, dreaming for more does not equate to being ungrateful for what I have. Children's dreams are lovely because in a sense, they are egocentric. I'm at a point in my life that my actions affect others, mainly the very people I am grateful for, and so my dreams are couched in consequences. The stability of my home life and the happiness/health of my children are not things I'm ready to disrupt to follow a "dream" just yet....but I have faith that when the time comes, the circumstances will align, and I will be able to do just that. No regrets, because I chose to be a wife, homemaker, mother, and all the myriad other jobs I've taken on in my short lifetime!
Interesting thoughts, Chris! I look forward to exploring them more. :o)
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